Yesterday, my life changed.

by | Sep 11, 2017 | Getting Real: The Blog

Yesterday, my life changed.
Jeff and I got married.

I wasn’t anticipating the depth of the change this has wrought in me. For both of us, this is our second marriage. There’s pain left over from a previous marriage. Scars. A reticence to trust, and fully open again. And we’ve worked through the majority of that in our 7 years together. But some residue remains.
So… this wasn’t a ‘new love’ starry eyed idealistic plunge into a romanticized notion of marriage.
We’ve thought about this… planned for this… talked about all the ramifications… waited for timing… and processed this for 7 years.

And yet, my life changed.

I don’t know what I was expecting, but the overwhelming joy, the outpouring of love, the fullness of my heart opening in those places where I didn’t even realize that it was guarded, took my breath away.

The day itself was a fairytale for me. Surrounded by a community who loves and supports us, I was transformed into a princess, and Jeff was my prince.

Never in my life have I been so deliriously happy! I literally didn’t know how I could hold it all. I kept stopping to breathe it in, and let it wash through me, opening me up to be able to contain more and more wonder.

Everything about the day was magical. So much love… So much outpouring… It left a watermark of God’s love upon my soul.

I have never known such unrestrained joy.

And then, deep in the night, when I’m normally sleeping, God woke me up, and took me through another journey.

As I lay in bed, still washed in gratitude and joy, He began taking me back through my life. He took me back to visceral moments. Not ones that I would have considered especially significant, but one’s that encapsulated the essence of each of those times of my life.
I wasn’t watching these moments from the outside – I was within them, living them again. Only this time, I could feel God there with me so clearly, and while I was living them, He was showing me, like a piece of embroidery when you turn it over, how Jeff – the heart of who he is – has always been woven through each of those specific, individual times, and through my entire life.
I’ve always had a deep knowing that he has been with me, and I with him, our whole lives. And that I have been looking for him, KNOWING he was there.
But this was so much more.

From times in my adulthood, to the painful and turbulent years of my teens, to the innocence of my childhood, God took me back, over and over again – every time showing me the threads that were Jeff, woven through my life.
I was reeling, as He reordered my own understanding of my story.
Then, with each instance, it was as though I was given back that part of myself, on a level I didn’t know was possible, and was able to bring that to the union that Jeff and I now share.
The experience of wholeness was something I’ve never known. It was a complete reconciliation and redemption of my past.

With that experience, my life changed.
Not just my future. But my past.
My story.
My entire understanding of who I am, and who God is, with and for me.

The gift of this marriage, of this man, with whom I have always shared my life, defines my world. And defines it in the light of Grace, and the great Love which holds us all.

 

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9 Comments

  1. Cryslea

    So beautiful! Your heart and soul has done such beautiful deep work over the years… This is a blessing of your beautiful creation. Near the end of reading this beautiful story I had a vision of a tapestry woven with golden threads. When you look at it in the light of the earlier part of life the reflection shows one image and we spend a lot of time and energy trying to figure that all out. Suddenly the day comes when you realize something has changed in that tapestry and he is now angled in a different light and different images of radiance shine through showing the new picture created an unfolding forward. Enjoy this new fulfillment of your creation in love with many many blessings !💗💗💗

    Reply
  2. Amanda Hensley

    So glad that the Lord brought u two together. I can the Lord working in both if your lives. Hope post more pictures.
    God bless you both! !!!!

    Reply
  3. Janiece Kelley

    What a beautiful declaration of love for Jeff but also and utmost of your savior. Beautiful words from a beautiful woman of God. What a celebration of a new journey for you two!

    Reply
    • Elizabeth Love

      Thank you so much, Janiece!! I’m continually amazed at what God does…

      Reply
  4. Suzanne Belnap

    WOW ! How inexplicably beautiful Elizabeth! HOW you wrote that in the first day of marriage I’ll never know but it’s beautiful!! We have ALL been SO thinking of you these past few days, have ‘lived’ with thoughts of your special day yesterday, ALL wished we had put a GO-PRO on Hope during the ceremony….. wished we had been a fly on the wall inside that arena….. but instead… you were in our thoughts and in our hearts!

    We did see a picture of you in your gorgeous dress and you looked starry eyed and ecstatically happy! Can’t wait to see more and to hear all the awesome details of wedding and honeymoon! Have a blast! We love you…. and I CAN’T WAIT to finally meet Jeff one of these days!

    Reply
    • Elizabeth Love

      Thank you so much, Suzanne!!! I’m still walking on clouds… Can’t wait to see the pics from Becca. :) Everyone’s outpouring of love has made this even more special than I could have imagined!!

      Reply
      • Belnap Suzanne

        Well Elizabeth… You set the example of what love is… Just by the way you’ve waited patiently for the right timing, just the way you speak of and write about Jeff… about your own walk with the Lord… . and about how you follow the Lords lead…. and you are so easy to love!

        Reply

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