Breaking and healing…

by | Aug 9, 2013 | Getting Real: The Blog

Image 8

I’m selling my farm. Well, actually, it belongs to me and my ex, and we’re selling it.

If all goes well, I hope to hear back from a facility that works with horses and challenged kids, and I will be placing my horse partners there, with them. My dear four footed friends, who have shared my life and my love these 9 years…

To say my heart is breaking, doesn’t even come close.

And… at the same time, I feel the call of my own purpose – asking me to take these steps… to actively choose them, and open myself to what is wanting to emerge NOW in my life.

There’s a part of me that is immersed in this process – feeling the loss, grieving, and also getting curious about what is coming next.

And there’s a part of me that sits quietly, watching it unfold.

What surprises me the most, is how precisely this set of circumstances is drawing out old unresolved hurts from way back in my history. Betrayals…  lack of belonging…  displacement…  dreams deferred.

I feel the pull of my own deep knowing, setting up my life so that I have the opportunity to heal.

It’s not enough to take a pass or two at healing that old stuff…  there’s a clarity within me that won’t rest until it’s excavated. And my guess is, that this is a lifelong process.

I’m finding compassion for the tug-of-war dance going on inside me – between wanting to rail against the changes, and embracing them.

My own humanness revealed – the selfishness (I want what I want… when I want it), and the light (I want my highest purpose), both.

I’m a tremendously powerful creator. And as I’m creating the dismantling of so much that I love, I have to remind myself that this is a good thing!

In a season of my life when I was still shut down, I called into my life, this farm, my horses, this haven… which has held me, nurtured me, and been the backdrop for my own waking.

And now that waking is calling me on. It called me out of my marriage… out of the old patterns of living small…  and now it’s calling me out from my insular life here on the farm.

I don’t know what this next season looks like yet. But when I lean into it, I smile.

I know what it feels like.

And that’s a truer compass than the external landmarks.

I raise my glass now, and toast the journey…  to the uncharted waters before me… and the compass of my own heart that calls me to break and heal, with utter abandon.

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  1. robin

    What tremendous courage you have and model so beautifully. Embracing the dark and the light with such openess and integrity is healing on many levels. I am inspired amd comforted by your journey of letting go of sonething you hold so dearly,trusting whatever shows up will be exactly what you need to expand. I agree letting go of the external security speaks volumes of your commitment to your truth and provides permission for others to test the water themselves. The ripple effect will surely be widespread. You are a warrior, a teacher of the kindest, gentlest and most powerful prportion. I honor you, and send lots of light and love. I am so blessed to know you and wish you grace and ease on your ongoing journey. I hope whatever is next fills snd feeds you with the nourishment you so gracefully offers others.
    Much admiration and love,

    • Elizabeth Love

      Thank you so much, Robin, for the reflection back…
      That offering of permission, has been a gift I’ve been on the receiving end of, with others who have walked this path and modeled for me what I’m now living. It’s a joy to be able to give that gift to others as well.
      Compassion with ourselves and others along the journey… the willingness to be with what comes up… and that unfolding of trust as we walk forward ~ to me these things are the real prizes. Makes for a rich life indeed!
      That’s one I’m signing up for… !!

  2. Alphie Thorn

    Wow,wow,wow!!! Elizabeth I love you so much. You are so amazingly you; transparent, open with no excuses. Thanks so much for sharing your heart with the pain of letting go and the joy of looking forward. It’s a journey you helped me through and I am so overcome by this love letter you sent to us all.

    Thanks for always being a living example of grace and ease no matter the circumstances.

    I hold you with love, gratitude and deep admiration.

    • Elizabeth Love

      Thank you, Alphie… Part of my old pattern was to hide the difficult parts of my life, and show my ‘good’ face to the world.
      I have the honor and privilege though, of working with so many amazing people as they navigate their own lives… and I want to be able to draw back the curtain on my life, and allow others to glimpse the inside workings of the journey.

      It’s not the people on stage who inspire me… it’s the people who have their sleeves rolled up, and mud on their face – but they’re walking forward.
      The best way I know to validate this process, is to share my own.

      I’m so glad it speaks to you…
      Sending you so much love!!

  3. Skye

    Hello Elizabeth! I am sending love and light to you at this time. What an awesome journey life is, and “leaning into” it as you mentioned really is the only way.

    I’ve scheduled an Autumn Changes Ritual workshop here in DC next month where we’ll discuss letting go of things that no longer serve us, going inside to strengthen, process and rebuild, and emerging bigger and brighter. Your post speaks to this so profoundly that I’d like to share it with my group during the ritual. I’d like your permission.

    BTW, we met virtually through the Everything is Energy group a couple of years ago.

    Take care my sister and thank you so very much for sharing your journey. And I know that you know, all is well…always.

    • Elizabeth Love

      Hello Skye!!
      What a treat to hear from you… and your workshop sounds wonderful!! For me, Autumn has always been a time for renewal… there’s an energy that sweeps in with the cooler weather, that invites reflection and clarity.
      I’m so glad that this post touched you, and you certainly have my permission to share it with the workshop participants. I would ask that you let them know where it comes from, and my website, if they’d like to connect some more.
      I grew up in Fairfax, VA, just outside of DC. Great to know more folks here on the East Coast!!
      Sending you love and light, as you shine your gifts…

      • Skye

        Elizabeth – Autumn is my favorite season. I truly connect with nature in regards to “going in” and taking the time to reflect.

        I will absolutely share your website with my participants, thank you and be well.

        • Elizabeth Love

          I’d love to hear how your workshop goes!! It sounds like it will be wonderful…

  4. Lisa

    Wow, Elizabeth. I want to know more. What were the clues, the underpinnings that emerged like breadcrumbs showing and suggesting the possibilities for the change?

    You are amazing Elizabeth. I support you!

    And I thank my lucky stars that I gave myself the gift of working with you.

    • Elizabeth Love

      That’s a great question, Lisa… what unfolded for me has been an unsettled sense that goes back about 6 months now. I began to question whether I was supposed to stay here. It was quiet, and I didn’t like to talk about it, because the thought of leaving caused so much turmoil… but where there had been a period, there was now a question mark.
      From there, specific things began to unfold, that made me pay more attention to that question.
      I’m someone who ‘feels’ my way through life, and there was a deep unsettled feeling around staying here.
      I finally ‘knew’ I needed to embrace this change, when I could ‘feel’ into it, and under the pain and grief, I connected with that peace and sense of knowing.

      Hope that helps, as you’re navigating your own road maps!! And it’s a joy to work with you, Lisa… xo

  5. Roberta Nelson

    Blessings to you Elizabeth. So many folks are going through this journey now. Me too. Love, Light, and much inspiration to you as you move through this journey. We know our signs and everything will be grand on the other side :-)

    • Elizabeth Love

      Thank you, Roberta… Sending you love and light as you find your way across your own uncharted waters!! It’s so worth it.
      I wouldn’t trade a thing… Love and hugs!!

  6. Jeanie

    Wow, wow, wow….I can completely feel that tug of war you are going through, the old feelings, the uncertainty of the unknown, the heartbreak. What an amazing, amazing person you are, what an amazing gift you have and are being given.

    In the couple of weeks that its been since we’ve worked together, I’ve found this same dance… I feel myself clinging to the side of the boat, almost with a knowing that true healing and growth will bring on huge changes that I don’t yet have the courage to face, let alone embrace.

    You my dear Elizabeth are a person I hope to be able to be like one day. As students, we sometimes forget that our professors are growing and changing as much as we are. Thank you for sharing this, thank you for your bravery, thank you for your truth, thank you for allowing your light to shine : )

    • Elizabeth Love

      I’m so glad this speaks to you, Jeanie! I know what I’m drawn to in people, is the realness of who they are and what their journey is. I spent too many years feeling like I had to show my ‘together’ face to the world. The truth is, our very gifts come from our willingness to open up the truth of our path.
      You are such a bright light… and it’s a joy and inspiration to support you as you find your way on this journey!!

  7. Judy Schofield

    Life truly is a journey, letting go of the farm is a heart wrenching process, but what lies ahead can be just as glorious, just different! I am so thankful our lives have touched!

    • Elizabeth Love

      I’m thankful too, Judy! It makes my heart smile every time I think of you there in Southport… I know you’ve walked this path as well. xoxo

  8. tammy

    Wow Elizabeth! Lots going on for sure and you are facing it all and embracing it with such dignity and courage. You are a fabulous human being and am so glad you are in my life! You share your heart so honestly and with such vulnerablity….. Big hugs to you and lots of love and prayers coming your way until we see each other LIVE!….Soon I hope! Let me know what the next few weeks hold for you when things slow down a bit ….

    • Elizabeth Love

      You know there are times when the life curriculum eases up, and all the classes are the ones you love and come naturally, and others when you’re taking stuff like organic chemistry (I was an English major!)… well this has been quite a semester!! I’m looking forward to getting together soon!! xoxo

  9. Jenny

    such great insight Elizabeth and such a guide for the rest of us to step into the unknown and unchartered waters with eyes wide open.

    thanks for continuing to be an inspiration,

    • Elizabeth Love

      Thanks, Jenny… so glad it touches you.
      Sending you love and hugs!!

  10. Susan Bagyura

    You’re a great role model Elizabeth! I appreciate how you are letting go and opening up to new possibilities instead of firmly holding on to the past insisting that it work for you. Growth only comes from getting out of the comfort zone. Reading your story inspires me to look where I’ve gotten too comfortable. Enjoy the journey!

    Love and light,

    • Elizabeth Love

      Thanks so much, Susan! In theory it’s so simple… but integrating that truth into real life situations, asks me to show up where the rubber meets the road. I like what it works within me, even when the process is challenging!
      I’d love to hear what you discover as you look at your comfort zones, and if any are ready to be released!!

  11. Nancy Smith

    Beautifully written. Embracing the changes, but not ignoring the feelings, examining each. I understand now why you have been absent, but have still missed your insight!

    • Elizabeth Love

      Thanks, Nancy… It’s been quite a journey!!