Sometimes I forget the scope of who I am… finding myself pressured by old stories, fears, and the weight of my own plans. It’s good to remember that I can close my eyes, fall up into the stars, and dance with the music that spins the Universe. When I do that, I come back to me… and all that is True is there dancing with me.
For me, this journey is more about coming back to my own deep knowing, than it is about attaining some outside standard that I’ve taken on as a way to prove my worth.
That being said, when I hold onto my own old stories… my fears… my plans, I loose my sense of direction, and go drifting with whatever wayward current catches me. I’m not partial… it can be something exciting, something that makes me feel awful, or a weight of assumed responsibilities that were never mine to carry in the first place.
The common thread is that when it’s not coming from the place where I dance with God, it takes me out at the knees. Not always right away.
But with the certainty of the seasons, I hit that brick wall each time I head off unanchored to my deep truth. I can try to outrun it… try to keep it at bay… try to outperform it. But there is a force that does not allow me to go indefinitely down a path that’s less than my soul’s calling.
I still struggle with feeling ashamed at this. Like I should either see it more quickly… or handle it more gracefully.
So for today… when I find myself lost, or overwhelmed, or clinging tightly to my own plans and desires… I will be gentle with myself, and remember ~ when it feels like this, I am most likely following something less than my highest good.
Time to fall back up into the stars… and dance.